MILKWEED and CONVERSION

by Sister Jan Kilian

The caterpillar is finished eating milkweed leaves. “Watch! It will hang on to the jar in its ‘J’ form any minute now.” We watched. The caterpillar crawled around and around the jar. When it paused again, one of us said, “Now! It’s ready. Watch.” But . . . . the caterpillar moseyed on for yet a couple of hours until the caterpillar said, “Now!” and hung itself up on the jar’s edge to prepare its cocoon.

The monarch caterpillars’ going into their cocoons and coming out butterflies are familiar images of transformation. I had occasion to observe several this summer. Their stretching and flexing on the outside spoke to me of a wrenching process going on inside to accomplish the predictable conversion: worm - cocoon - monarch butterfly.

All of us creatures are designed to make transformational decisions from within our own selves. This was brought home to me during the Franciscan retreat I recently made at St. Francis Convent in Little Falls. Just as the monarch’s blueprint is written in the core of the caterpillar, so everything each of us needs for becoming Christ to the world is available in God’s design indelibly recorded -- you know where. Stop. Sit. Let the inner flexing, turning, stretching happen.

The gift (charism) of the Franciscan life is the life of conversion, a life of daily turning to hear and respond to God. This is not a logical, rational process. It is a work of our hearts, a work of love carried out in community. It involves surrender, letting go, sometimes darkness. It calls for shedding protective coverings, stripping ego, becoming Christ. Francis and Clare of Assisi encourage me with their example. I was happy to be able to retreat and ‘hang it up’ for at least a short while. I’m grateful to have let some important processes turn over in my spirit. I feel new. I think I’m finished eating milkweeds.

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