A Living/Dying Lesson in Holy Week

Some of the strongest words are from Jesus, "Father, into your hands I commend my spirit." During this Holy Week I watch for images of Jesus bearing pain and suffering with dignity and faith.

One power image of Jesus for me is my classmate, our Sister Deborah, who is dying with cancer and who awhile ago shared that her dying is truly an agonizing process. Her statement of pain was accompanied by another statement of her desire to go through this process with as much grace and peace as humanly possible. This is my first experience of hearing a dying person speak so articulately about what is going on for her. Deb and I have previously spoken of our impatience with process. We'd rather have projects of whatever stripe designed and expedited quickly and efficiently. "Process" takes time we could use for getting something "done." So it is with some humor that she tells me dying is a process.

Who of us doesn't want to be in control and to be able to make her or his own choices? Deb says when one has always been able to make sure her own soup was served hot, it is a stretch to have to eat lukewarm soup. In the simplest things, there is little that is more difficult than to trust one's physical care to others. Nobody can ever plump my pillow just right either. How will it be when I can't do it for myself? When one's hearing is so sharp she "can hear grass grow," how is it to be stuck in a room with noisy people-traffic just outside your door? What do you do while you are waiting in pain for the next dose of relief? What is the inner fruit when you patience grows with practice week after week, week after week? Mother/Father God, into your hands I commend my spirit.

Springtime Bonfire

Oh, the pleasure of a bonfire on a spring evening! Our firepit south of the Wellness Center hosts a few groups this time of the year. Our friendship group of women (called the Prudence Group) gathered there for the Spring Equinox this week. Another group we enjoy being with is our confirmation students from St. Ignatius parish in Annandale. These 10th-graders spend a little time in quiet (really!) solitude walks in the labyrinth and woods and then gather for faith sharing and snacks around the outside fire in hopes of kindling the fire of God's Spirit in their hearts. They do as much to re-kindle the fire in our hearts as we can ever do for them.

The Gift of Years Together

When I was a Franciscan novice, 55 years ago, we were so many novices our director had to expand the usual realm of places for us to work. There weren't enough jobs within the walls of the convent for our large class. I was placed in the medical records department at nearby St. Gabriel's Hospital. It was there that I met Sister Mary Ellen Dinndorf, director of the Business Office, located next door to Medical Records. She, along with other hospital sisters, took me under her wing to teach this fledgling what it meant to be a Franciscan out "in the world." She continued to walk with me as Sister and Friend all these years until her death March 13, 2010.



Sister Mary Ellen was 13 years my senior. I suppose that was more significant for me in our early days together; in more recent years, we were the same age. We had walked together through deaths of each others parents and siblings and through multiple changes in our Franciscan community as well as in the world at large. When I consider the very large hole her absence leaves in my life, I am also aware of what she bequeathed to all of us:

• a model of humble service - she accepted any task she was assigned, be it bookkeeping, administration, finance, or prayer from her room in hospice.
• a model of fidelity to prayer, to community, to family and friends. She could be counted on to "be there."
• a model of integrity, a woman of her word.
• a model of balanced living, enjoying music, games, and visiting as well as work and prayer.
• a model of a vowed religious. She clung to no material possession. She gave her all for our health care facilities when we had them and led us in letting go of them when the time was ripe to turn them over to others.
• a model of foresight in developing the talents of lay co-workers. She was the first of our Sister hospital administrators to give that position over to a lay man.

We are honored to count her as one of our Sisters.

Just To Be A Friend

When your friend is hurting and there isn't anything you can do to take away the hurt, what can you do?

I remember times when I wasn't feeling well and our dog, Lacy, would come over and sit close to me. A child will do that sometimes, too. They seem to know enough not to try to "fix it" when such an effort on their part would only add to my discomfort. There are times when we need someone to simply be with us as a caring being whether or not they can do anything to make us feel better.

This week we have discovered that Lacy's vision is severely impaired. She walks into doorframes and furniture, appears confused and tentative in her movements, and there isn't anything our veterinarian knows of that can be done to change her condition. He recommends that we have Lacy examined by a canine eye specialist whom he knows. For now, I am thinking about what it means to befriend a possibly blind dog. If you know me, you know I want to protect her and keep her safe in ways that might only limit her more and not be helpful at all.

I have heard of several blind dogs this weekend, all of whom are healthy and adjusted to their limited eyesight. It seems that the weeks ahead will be a time of learning not only for Lacy, but for all of us. May St. Francis, dear friend of all of God's creatures, be with our sister Lacy and all of us who want to do what is best for her.

When Sisters Die

I've had several occasions lately to consider the necessity of grieving. I do not do it well, sometimes not at all. When things are painful, I shift into low gear and keep going. Then, one fine morning I wake up feeling very tired and I wonder why.

We had a guest at Clare's Well recently who came for "time out." He shared that his wife is in the end stages of breast cancer. His grief was deep, buried in his effort to "be there for her."

It was the day after he left that I sat with myself and realized I felt very sad for him. The deluge of my tears, however, was out of proportion to my concern for him and his wife. I was startled as I journaled to see I hadn't connected with the fact that a few days earlir I'd visited two Sister friends in Little Falls who are dying. Sister Deb is my classmate and oftimes vacation companion. Sister Mary Ellen has been my mentor and friend from my first days in community over 50 years ago. Two who have been so significant in my own life's journey are about to die. How am I responding to this impending loss? I visited them and more or less "left them in Little Falls."

As Sister Sharon chided during a recent discussion on how we handle the deaths of so many of our Sisters (about ten a year), "We bury them and go back to work!" We are faced death and grief all around. I am as guilty as anyone of swallowing hard and "getting on with life." Once I realized that was exactly what I was doing now, I shared with Sisters Carol and Paula about how sad I feel for the inevitable deaths of Deb and Mary Ellen. I do better not trying to grieve alone. I see how debilitating it is to "stuff' sadness. Thanks to our guest who shared his grief with us and helped me get in touch with my own. I am still very sad, but I know I am and I have a little more bounce in my step, too.

Homemade Crackers

We Sisters enjoy making foods from scratch. However, making homemade crackers is a bit new for me. Here I am, making something called Flatbread which turns out to be delicious crackers. I serve them just for a snack or with a dip. (You can see by the picture, that I use quite a bit of flour (on my apron and on the counter) for rolling out this rather sticky dough.) Here is the recipe I got when I took a Community Ed class:

FLATBREAD

2 1/2 cups white flour

1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour

1 cup rye flour

1/2 cup sugar

1/2 cup sesame seeds

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

3/4 cup soft butter

1 1/2 cups buttermilk

Mix the dry ingredients with the butter as for piecrust. Add the buttermilk. Mix. Roll into a log, wrap in wax paper, and chill for a couple of hours.

Cut the log into 12 pieces. Roll each piece into a thin round --about as thin as wax paper. (I find it works best to keep most of the pieces of the log in the refrigerator while rolling and baking one at a time so the dough doesn't get too sticky.)

Place rolled out piece on a pizza pan or cookie sheet. Score (cut) with a pizza cutter so results will be small crackers. Bake in 350 degree oven until lightly browned (about 10 - 12 minutes.) Cool on cooling rack. Enjoy.

This recipe makes nearly two ice cream pails of crackers. They keep very well for a long time. In February, we are still enjoying some from Christmas.